October 2014 archive


Tired. So tired. Staggering, dizzy, burning in your stomach tired. Cannot function tired. NEWBORN BABY TIRED. If you are a parent, you know this kind of tired. Well, this is how tired I feel, all the time. I am a person with a chronic illness. I have Lyme Disease, and have for over a decade. It’s messing me up. Now, I am still getting used to the term “chronic” because, before I got sick, I thought this was a BULLSH** term for lazy people. I know some of you, right now, right after reading that maybe said, “uh oh”, or “YES”, or “NO!” It evokes some emotion. A lot of people like to ask questions, skeptical questions. “So, you are just sick, all the time, for no real reason?” “You were sick, but you aren’t now, right? You are cured?” The short answer, no. I will never be alright. I have nerve damage, a bit of brain damage, and lack of muscle control (which, yes, causes daily pain) through my entire left side. This is my short list. But, that’s enough of that; I don’t want to bum people out.

You may be thinking, what kind of work can a person in my condition do? A person like this MUST need to make their health the #1 priority, and have a stress free job. So, the obvious career choice? CHILD CARE. Yes, I figured looking after a wagonload of babies, changing multiple diapers, feedings, outings, being on my feet all day long for less than minimum wage was the answer! Now, daycare babies eat, boy do they eat! If you are thinking of starting a home daycare, save yourself some steps, and just get your pay sent right to the grocery store. FYI, if you aren’t at the park, or wiping a bum, you are buying groceries. Oh, I should also mention, not during the day, like regular folks, but later at night, because, well, you just don’t go with your kiddos. If you’d like to test this theory, get a pack of wild dogs, put them in an oversized wagon, and then ask them to stay in there and not touch anything while you “just grab a couple of things!” If you love to get dirty looks, and have the lady sweats from stress, then by all means, take 5 kids shopping!

One late night, exhausted after a full day of torture fun, I ran out to get some food, and then some groceries. I stopped at a local place to grab hot Portuguese chicken, so I could finally have my dinner at my usual healthy, convenient time, 10pm.  I pulled into the store, grabbed my purse, tucked it under my arm, and in I went. I filled up my basket, and headed to the checkout. I dumped my stuff on the conveyor belt, and the cashier rang it through. She stopped, stared at me, and said “the chicken?” Irritated, I said “no, I’m not getting chicken, just groceries.” More staring. “The chicken” she says again. Now I am just mad. “I AM NOT GETTING ANY CHICKEN.” In a zombie-esque fashion, she slowly raises her arm and points to my purse. There, tucked under my arm, was not my clutch, but the tin foil bag holding my hot chicken. It took a minute to process what was going on. Here I was, yelling at a cashier, with a hot chicken, now dripping all down my side, snugly in my armpit, instead of my purse. Now, not only do I look crazy, I can’t pay for my groceries, because my chicken purse doesn’t hold any cash, just juicy goodness. I say I’ll run out and grab it, but now the manager is there, since I look like I am stealing a chicken from the store. After a lot of explanation, and some convincing, they let me and my chicken purse leave the store. Needless to say I was too embarrassed to go back in, so we had “pizza day” at daycare. It was shortly after this I started realizing that daycare wasn’t for me anymore, and I will tell you; it broke my heart a little. I loved my daycare kids, and am so happy I got to spend time with so many amazing little people.

I am now trying harder to budget my time, and not overextend myself. I am getting better at saying no to things. If you are like me, and stretch yourself too thin, next time ask yourself this:

Are you tired, or are you CHICKEN PURSE TIRED? If it’s chicken purse, then just go take a nap!


For more on Lyme Disease, please visit my friends at http://canlyme.com/chicken purse



The Pits of Despair.

Last week a bunch of my mom blogger friends participated in mother daughter workshops, on building girls’ self-esteem. I LOVED this. I am usually very happy being the mom of boys, but occasionally I yearn for a girl. Why? Because I am generally so overflowing with self-love and esteem, I think a little girl would benefit so greatly from this. I am 110% girl power.  I see posts about raising and teaching boys to respect and treat women equally, and I think, NAILED IT. My boys are the best, most forward thinking guys out there. That is, until they saw my unshaven armpit. I reached across our kitchen island to grab the Yahtzee dice (oh yes, that’s a big deal in our house. No one gets breakfast until they play a game with me, my house, my crazy rules) and my teen aged son said, “Yikes, you need to shave!” The seven year old hopped right on board, “gross” he said. I stopped. My stomach dropped, and for the first time in about 6 years, I stood silently with my thoughts. A million things flooded through my brain. Finally, I spoke. “What’s gross about it?” Their answers? Girls just don’t have armpit hair, or body hair in general. I said “Your dad does, and so do you!” Yes, but not on girls. For some reason, my sons feel that it is unacceptable for women to have hairy armpits.  WHAT HAS HAPPENED HERE??????????

All my feminist teachings have just flown out the window. Why? WHY?

I know why.

I am “girlie”. SO girlie. I love creams, makeup, nail salons, waxing shops, highlights, lowlights, rainbows, sparkles, PINK, PINK, PINK. High heels, lipstick, cherry print bathing suits, fluffy things, colour. Boxes with tinier boxes inside. Fancy Bras.

Here are some more things I like. Hockey, skating, fighting, skating AND fighting – Roller Derby is my dream sport, rock climbing, swimming, DIY home reno’s, epic board games like Risk or Heroscape, Super Heroes, Comic books, video games. Both my lists are endless. I had thought I’d done a good job of gender neutralizing my boys, they both loved dolls, I kick their asses at video games, all toys “are for everyone”. But, BUT after all of this, I am the one who shaves stuff. And gets my nails done. My husband’s idea of a pedicure is crudely clipping his toenails with a foot up on the toilet, like a caveman.  His chest is hairy, his FEET are hairy, but none of that is “gross”. Just my stubble. How am I going to fix this? So much has already been written about stereotypes, nature vs. nurture, gender equality. I am sure no one ever said to me “this is how girls are” but, yet, somehow I am who I am. I will freak out if I see underpants with flowers on them, it makes my chest feel warm and tingly, and I get excited!! I don’t know how to stop this, and I honestly don’t want to. A girl’s favorite colour doesn’t have to be pink, but what if it is? Then what? Am I less of feminist because of this? I don’t think so. I don’t make choices based on how men will perceive me; I make them based on what I like. And, yes, sometimes that’s a wax job in the shape of a lightning bolt. BUT are these decisions screwing up my sons’ view of women? I guess I need to figure out my balance of feminine and feminist. I want to be both. I think I am both.

I have decided for the summer, I am not going to shave my armpits, just to show them that it’s really no different for a woman or a man, despite what the world and media shows them. It’s not much, but it’s a start.




These Boots are Made For Walking…

I was walking past a shoe store yesterday, and I stopped dead in my tracks and GASPED. Okay, truth be told, this often happens. So what? Yes, I am a woman, and yes, YES, yes, I love shoes and boots. (Please note, just because I love them beyond reason, which is a huge cliché, does not negate the fact that I am a feminist. Feminists can like boots too. Just look at Nancy Sinatra!)
In the window, displayed high on shelf, like a beacon of warmth and style, were a pair of ORIGINAL COUGAR PILLOW BOOTS. Now, this statement is giving away my age, and if you just gasped,  yours too.  Cougar boots are the boots of my childhood, and arguably the best boots ever made.

cougar boot
It turns out Cougar has re-released the classic boot that they first started making in 1976. My heart raced a little. That tan leather, that RED LINING, the slippery laces, those two hooks on the top that would always get caught together and make me trip, the extra high, ankle rolling sole!! I am now ready for cold, Canada. Bring it on!
I called my mom to tell her. I gushed awhile about my boots, my childhood, my memories. My mom finally asked “and do you plan on actually tying these ones up, or are you still going to fold the tongues down to be cool?” OHHH yeah! I had totally forgotten about that. Back in the day, all us cool kids wore these boots, tongues hanging out, laces tied down in front, jeans tucked in.  As a kid, this was the COOLEST THING EVER. Like. EVER, in the history of the world. I also wore a baby blue lamb’s wool jacket and real rabbit fur mitts with them. Yes. I was THAT stylish. I would wear my boots all open, so they would scoop up snow directly onto my socks, soaking them. By the time I’d get anywhere, my feet would be frozen, my boots would weigh twenty pounds, and I’d be shivering, but I did’t care, I. Was. COOL. My mom then went on to point out, by the time I hit twelve, I refused to wear boots at all, or a hat. I have very chilly memories of spending one entire winter only wearing a jean jacket. (Thankfully, leather coats became a “thing”, so being warm was acceptable again.) She said I was lucky that being warm is cool now, so I won’t have to deal with my children leaving in a toque, and then throwing it in the neighbour’s bushes once they get around the corner.
I started thinking about some of the fashion trends now, that as a parent, drive me crazy. I’m sure you are all with me on this one when I say “Boys, PULL UP THOSE PANTS”.
As I type this I realize, oh, this is an age thing. My parents used to cringe at some things (everything) I would wear, but they let me, and I am thankful for that. I do think it’s important to let kids and teens express themselves through fashion, even it’s it’s stupid impractical. I  want them to grow up, see something, like my beloved Cougars, and be taken back to that amazing place and time in their childhood, and be flooded with memories, because the feeling I am getting from these boots warms my toes AND my heart.

Do you have some items from your childhood/teen years/twenties that you still love? I’d love to hear about it!



I’ll Drink To That!


Our house has a problem…A big problem.

We have a resident picky eater, who puts all other picky eaters to shame. I read the blogs, I watch the websites, I try and sneak fruit or veggies into foods, but he figures it out. He’s cute, but ruthless. I know a lot of people have this problem, but ours was getting extreme. He won’t even have a bite of an Apple. NOT. ONE. BITE.

My first son ate everything. I was a parent who may have judged others, and would say, if you start them young, develop good habits, and MAKE them eat, they will.  But guess what? Sometimes, they JUST won’t. Here is a picture of the tyrant. He’s cute, but don’t let that fool you. He’s tough.


Our family was contacted to be testers for SunRype Juice. I was actually already a fan of SunRype. I starting buying their products for my older son, based on the fact they were the most affordable, 100% juices. They are all natural, with no colours or additives. Their juices are clean tasting, like drinking a piece of fruit! Their packaging is minimal, and recyclable, and they are Canadian. These things are really important to me when shopping, even when shopping on a budget.

My picky guy was with me when our samples were delivered. He was very interested in what this was all about.  I explained we had a new “job”, to be official taste testers for SunRype. More interest. Why US, he wanted to know.  (I maybe told a small lie here) I told him they’d heard about him, how he NEVER drinks juice, but are SO SURE their juice is the best, that even kids who don’t like juice will love it. Well, his love of a challenge overtook his stubbornness. He was ready to give it a go!!  My heart was racing a little. I didn’t want to get too hopeful. Next day, we got out our “official note pads” to keep track of our project.  My son looked the flavours up and down, and right away he chose. Tropical Blend! I felt it was a bit of weird choice to go with, for him, but I wasn’t going to point that out!! Let him try. (I later found out he picked it because “there is no fruit in the name.” )

I poured. I waited. He lifted, sniffed, sipped. He started to drink!!!


The arm went up, fist curled in a ball, thumb stuck UP. I couldn’t believe it! He drank that juice like it WAS his job.

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We went on to try all the flavours his favourite being Wild Raspberry.

I am happy to say that testing all the juices for SunRype really got Mr. Picky open to trying new things. He trusts the SunRype brand, so we have been able to buy their other all natural products, which make great lunch and recess snacks. I agree with him, SunRype gets my my thumbs up too!